Okay--thi...

Okay--this is a rough one: Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Therefore the master takes action by letting things take their course. She remains as calm at the end as at the beginning. --Tao Te Ching--Hardest fucking lesson I haven't learnt yet. Every time I try to expand my spirit beyond my immediate sphere of worry and doubt--I get caught once again in the net of self. I know intuitively that this information is absolutely true. When are you granted respite??--when it ceases to matter to you anymore. It is hard to apply this lesson to real life.It takes a kind of grace and balance that only comes through loads of experience and even failure.Eventually life comes to a head and you just say "Enough".I have verged this several times but never quite pushed on through.I still have work to do.And here is a followup to that:"When confronted by a human being who impresses us as truly great, should we not be moved rather than chilled by the knowledge that he might have attained his greatness only through his frailties??". --Lou Andreas-Salome--Because I am my absolute most torrential critic--I always try to remind myself that failure is not a bad thing and that immobility is way worse than dissapointment.It's like the saying goes,"the best fertilizer is the farmer's shadow".We have to be involved and committed to making our lives exactly what we wish them to be.We have to take action--get in the driver's seat and out in the sun.We should not be afraid to sweat or get rained on or step in shit.Letting go isn't about passivity.On the contrary--it's about being committed to the truths that we discover in life and to the knowledge that life is ever changing and ever evolving.It's acceptance of what is and then a kind of joyfulness that comes in seeing that we are being given a space in time and in energy with which to work with--to play with and be the master of.Our Life.... I have a friend who is meant to write plays and another who is building schoolhouses in Africa and one more who is going to be a journalist and try to shed light on issues of the world.It all counts.It is all worthy.My goal is to shed the cloak of fear that I carry around with me all of the time.I can't seem to see myself clearly.I am very hard on myself and I waste a lot of time this way.Maybe I do this through writing--it's my own little workbook of mental/spritual equations to work out.Whatever--I just want to have fun and trust that life take me where I must go.And I'll go there awake and ready.