Listening to the ...

Listening to the new Aimee Mann.She's awesome.When I first heard her many years after Voices Carry--I thought she was a little bland.But she has that effect of slowly and surely seeping into your soul.She makes me feel like leaning back in a comfy recliner and sipping on some good coffee with amaretto cream in it.She has this way of making you confront yourself without being down about it--just a simple confrontation.This weather is making my hair nice and straight.I LUUUUVE IT!!! Normally, I just let it dry back in a hairtie because if it dries when it's down it's always in that in-between curly and straight state.When the weather is cool and without humidity--it stays a lot straighter without much help:):) I know this is silly, but I'm sure some of you girls might know what I mean.So today was that blessed occasion again--LAUNDRY.Don't we just love those mundane tasks that take up so much of our time.Actually I don't mind cause I get to hang with my friend's chihuahua puppy.She is so cute.She is all tiny neck bites and energy for about 30 minutes and then she collapses in the crease of the couch all puppy-tuckered:):)It's the small pleasures that count:)Here's a good poem.It doesn't necessarily transport me--but it centers me.It's difficult to write it down because it's message is so tough to practice sometimes: To have without holdingLearning to love differently is hard,love with the hands wide open, love with the doors banging on their hinges,the cupboard unlocked, the windroaring and whimpering in the roomsrustling the sheets and snapping the blindsthat thwack like rubber bandsin an open palm.It hurts to love wide openstretching the muscles that feelas if they are made of wet plaster,then of blunt knives, thenof sharp knivesIt hurts to thwart the reflexesof grab, clutch, to love and letgo again and again.It pesters to rememberthe lover who is not in the bed,to hold back what is owed to the workthat gutters like a candle in a cavewithout air, to love consciously,conscientiously, concretely, constructively.I can't do it, you say it's killingme, but you thrive, you glowon the street like a neon raspberry,You float and sail, a helium balloonbright bachelor's button blue and bobbingon the cold and hot winds of our breath,as we make and unmake in passionatediastole and systole the rhythmof our unbound bonding, to haveand not to hold, to lovewith minimized malice, hungerand anger moment by moment balanced. --Marge Piercy--"To have and not to hold"--kinda makes you wonder if the concept of marriage as being the union of two souls was ever anything but a big fat cover-up for trying to posess that which you love.I know this could be considered a pessimistic line of thought--but oh well, can you tell me how making it "legal" would deepen the love between two people--or make it stronger??Why not let out actions speak for themselves by being present, by listening, by sticking by eachother, by being honest about who we are and what we need.Blah, blah, and big-blah....who cares!!! No need to get all introspective on a Sunday night:):) Little by little--I'm hoping I'll know more and get more comfortable in my own skin:)

anonymous ke...

anonymous keeper of the fields face tilted away--unimportant keep me too--hide me away in a shady spot as you daily drop your sweat upon the earth so smear your animal scent on me don't neglect my bloom as you have the others come to me meaning nothing hoping nothing dreaming nothing but come to me nonetheless

Found t...

Found this question on a community page called Musicgeeks:If you had to pick 10 songs to be the soundtrack of your life, what songs would you pick??1.Tori Amos--Here in my Head2.Aimee Mann--Cigarettes and Red Vines3.The Sundays--Blind(the whole album)4.October Project--Always5.Jane Siberry--Sail Across the Water6.Moby--Harbour7.Mandalay--Solace(whole album)8.Hooverphonics--don't know the name#59.Cure--Pictures of You10.Mazzy Star--Five String SerenadeThese are actually just some of the first ones that came to mind--there is no way of narrowing down all of the music that is essential to me--there is just soooo much.These are some of my favorites though, and most of them signify a particular time in my life that is memorable:):) It almost hurts to see them all together.

Open all the windows and air out your soul!!!!

Yes--today has won the prize for the nicest weather that this year has seen thus far.It's cool and witchy--with a mild breeze.I have actually unplugged the allergy apparatus(a.k.a.wall unit)and cleared the hatches:):):) All of a sudden--life is noisier and a tad friskier.When you're used to the house being shut up all tight most of the year, it's always surprising how much life there is outside.Now I can hear the kids playing in the street, the cars passing by, and the churchbells around the corner.I can hear insects and the wind and people riding their bikes.I hear the neighbors out in their yard adjusting this or that and the sprinkler systems switching on.I hear the cats chasing lizards and the scuffles they get into with local alleycats.Wow--it's not just me on this little old street:):)I wish I lived in the days of long wrap around porches and friendly visits.People are so isolated nowadays.They live barracaded lives. "I choose to put this person close to me and no one else because you just can't trust people". "I don't have time for lots of friends". "I don't want to be bothered".People say these freakin' things to themselves all the day long.But we are really missing out.First off-a porch provides a place of meditation.To sit after a long day of work and just be.To LISTEN....to the noises of the evening.To have a nice cup of wild orange tea:) To pet the dog.To sway in the rocker.To snap peas:)And to talk to those you love about life and what you think of when you look at the stars. It's the good old country life. It's the stuff bluegrass dreams are made of. And it could be life in the present busy day too--if we carved a space for it in our lives--in our imaginations.If we would just allow our minds to downshift(even if only for a spell).This makes me think of an old saying I heard once:Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits. --unknown source--It's like taking a bath.One of my favorite things in the world to do.Nothing soothes me like a bath.To listen to the water pounding the porcelain--and forget yourself.To linger on each of your parts as you wash yourself clean--wash away the day.An arm..a hand..look down at the length of your body..the smoothness of your flesh and the sweet smell of your hair.Your toes all shriveled up.Rest your head back.Light a candle.Just be your body for a little while.If I ever have my own house.The two most fundamental features it will have will be--a porch, and a great tub.This is the basis of any great, comfortable pro-life home.And I don't mean pro-life in any abortion related kinda way:):) I've always been so fascinated with houses/homes.Whenever I'm driving down a street that is new to me...I always like to imagine who might live inside each house by looking at the outside of the house.But aren't houses like the cover of books??? You can't always tell what's on the inside by looking at the exterior(or the physical shape that the book is in).Only when you enter do you know.So it seems very crucial that we work towards breaking down barriers to trust.Because if we allow ourselves not solely to judge, but also to enter--we may be surprised, we WILL be surprised.People are good at keeping secrets.Like how interesting they are.They could be a good little worker bee all day long--appearing dull and sheeplike, but go into their houses and a different story may unfold.The quilts they are sewing...the books they are writing--the ways in which their little souls are about to explode but for that one hidden thing where their real passion lies.They have been taught over the years that this thing is not of as great of importance as making a living or appearing sociable.It is hidden in their house--a metaphor for their soul.Not everyone of course--there are many brave people out there who choose to put themselves outside of their comfort zone all the time.Those who are unafraid to be exposed and who are proud of the work they are doing.But we already see these people--it would be nice to awaken the hidden treasures too.I always look at the most run-down, dumpiest of places and think--I bet a genious lives in there.Something great is being created inside there.Because the truest art comes from searching, from challenge, from adversity, from the growth that arises only through imperfection--which is forced upon those who don't have as much materially as others.Someone who lives in a house like that might have to learn their lessons quicker and harder.Might not.So take your soulwork outside of your house and put it into your life where everyone can see it.Cause people aren't always willing to knock on your door and seek you out.People deserve to share these things with eachother.They are entitled to guilt free self-expression, solitude.....and companionship:):):).

Today was good....

Today was good.Called in sick which is something I rarely do.Felt nice and mischevious about it too.Listening to Jimmy Eat World right now.It's funny cause it's such a trendy album for me to buy but the music is really fun and catchy nonetheless.Who cares about all that cool bullshit anyway??? All that matters is if the music scoots your caboose or not!!! Well my caboose ate a lot today and generally did a whole lot of nothing.I did come to one very welcome conclusion about my work life though--I'm not going to do anything I don't want to based on social or monetary pressures.As of late I have been feeling very compressed by the weight of all of my bills and the fact that I don't make much money in my job and it is something that I don't really agree with anyway.Now I know that one cannot live off of ideals and eat their ethics for breakfast, but you just know when something doesn't feel right in your soul. I have been out of balance because of this--yet, it is not worth going to nursing school so I can make more money and do another job that my heart's really not in.So the conclusion for the moment is to stick with what works--and build on it slowly.This entails taking some courses of interest at the local community college and maybe along the way it will spurr some ideas for me.Just to keep everything moving along and not too ruttish.That is not what I wish my life to be.If I must be poor(cause this god-forsaken town sure isn't paying), then at least let my mind not atrophy in the process. I haven't met many motivated individuals in this town.I have a few friends who I consider precious jewels amidst a bunch of dullards here--but few and far between.It's very different transitioning from a university town to a retirement/surfing community.Strange combo I know.You either get Myrtle on the ventilator, or Shane High as a kite--oh and let's not forget, 50 year old Rhonda who dances to classic rock at the Tav.That's about all there is to it folks.And the art community is so old and rich and uptight.It's not really about art--it's just politics.Whah, whah--I know...stop my whining--but sometimes you just have to go on a little in order to exorcise those demons:):):). Put up some Halloween decorations tonight.Love to have the ghosts and the goblins and the candy-corn candles out.It just brings such a fun, magical air to the house.I can definitely smell fall in the air now.It will still take more time, but it's on it's way.Can't wait for the leaves to start rustling and the quiet walks at night.The porch is already a more pleasant place to reside upon.I want to make pumpkin pie and carve some jack-o-lanterns with K. It's quite the tradition now.There are going to be some shows to go to and a friend is having a party.Oh--I get to paint my face something crazy:):)WHEEEEEEE!!!