I just lo...

I just love modern dance.I miss being near the university where I could go and see the dance students perform all of the time.Students are the best because they are not molded into one particular style yet.Most are wide open for their own expression/interpretation of emotion until too many outside forces and influences posess them and start to make them into robots. The purity of the novice is a hard thing to match. The enthusiasm that accompanies this mindset I think is usually lost until an art is so finely honed that it again becomes pure energy and inspiration.When the technicality of anything creative(art, dance, music)is mastered--then it can be placed in the background and expression comes to the forefront.It looks like the creation came with such ease.But behind this facade is so much work and even banality at times.Modern dance appears to be very free and whimsical--but in all truth, it has a very strong, highly-trained ballet core.Loads of discipline and effort go into the technical aspect of the movement. I always have to work for mine.Very rarely does it flow effortlessly from me.In writing--it's a bit easier, but with music I really have to coax it out of myself.It is a matter of courage sometimes.To be willing to sound shitty for the sake of possibly finding your voice through it.It is a sacrifice of perfectionistic thinking--which I am definitely prone to.To shed this static egotism--to allow yourself(or the idea of a perfect you) to die in a sense in order for something new and better to be born.Isn't that what having an open mind is all about too?? It is the willingness to let something or someone change your mind--allowing yourself to be altered and possibly surpass yourself.Part of this train of thought is coming from some Nietzsche that I read recently.The idea of the ubermensch(overman)--the man who wants to overcome himself for something better.To make mankind better.This is not self--destruction--but rather, a joyful affirmation that growth is life's ultimate purpose--not freezing your soul and saving it for later(unaltered). In any case--it's awesome that we have the arts to turn to.Otherwise--HOW COULD OUR SOULS BREATHE--with as much eating , sleeping, driving, shitting, fucking, fighting, following,working, and talking as we partake in..(interesting combo I chose..I know).There is enough surviving going on in this life...now we need to learn to live with purpose and drive.To see something in a different light.Once again--to be surprised.To not know everything.To be humble.

Sitt...

Sitting here thinking about the fact that this is the beginning of yet another week.I really need some Ben and Jerry's or something.Or some good Thai food--chicken gang karee!!!!:):)Feeling very unmotivated right now.My guitar is calling to me,"Be creative....come touch me...come play..." and all I can do is stare like a dummy.I guess there must be hibernation sometimes in order for the energy bursts to be fruitful, right??? Sometimes maybe I expect too much out of life.I took this quiz from the Dalai Lama and basically it said that these things in my life came in this order:1.pride 2.family 3.career 4.love 5.money.The only thing that is true for sure is the money thing.Just don't care about it.Of course I like to be self-sufficient and all.I like to have the freedom to have my own place and travel when I want to--but material things just don't matter much.I would give just about anything away if a good friend wanted it.The pride thing trips me up though.I suppose I can be self-centered sometimes, but usually I'll admit it if I'm wrong about something.So what is the most important thing in life??? Some would say family.Some would say religion.Some would say creativity.Self-realization.Spirit.Truth. Who really knows.I suppose it's not static.So because I'm a drip tonight I'll resort to an excellent quote:"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --E.M.Forster--

You know what??? ...

You know what??? Fucking boy--girl shit sucks!!! I'm so tired of thinking in terms of relationships with the opposite sex(whether they be sexual,desiring sexual,imbalance of like and love--whatever).Boring.This is the time for me to empty my thoughts of what could or couldn't be,what has been or what will be.What a waste of time.Most of it's ego--driven anyway.She has him and he was mine.Why does she act like that--doesn't she care about me???Whatever--it's all in your head.The other person probably doesn't have a freakin clue or what's worse--may have one, and just doesn't care.Now is the time to let go and GO be with yourself make peace with life.

"Ideals are...

"Ideals are reflections of our deeply religious nature.But, as we know, ideals can be poison if we take them in large quantities or if we take them incorrectly;in other words, if we take them not as ideals, but as concrete realities.Ideals should inspire us to surpass ourselves, which we need to aspire to do if we are to be truly human, and which we can never actually do because we are truly human. Ideals are tools for inspiration, not realities in themselves.The fact that we have so often missed this point accounts for the sorry history of religion in human civilization...If rightly understood, ideals make us lighthearted and give a sense of direction." --Zen Abbot Norman Fischer-- So it seems that there is no such thing as concrete reality.We grasp for this stability in life--but that which we seek would prove to leave us stagnant and immobilized if received.The only reality that seems to be infallible is the law of change.There is nothing that I know of in life that doesn't change.Now there are people, places, and things that appear to be immovable--but the subtlety of transformation still exists-even if on a slow as molassas evolutionary basis:):) This is why ideals too must evolve.They cannot be stationary against the background of a growing world.Whether the growth is up or down,inward or outward,backwards or forwards--still there is constant change.This can be considered in a morally neutral manner.It is just something that we can observe from our own existense. And so the point remains that growth must be the objective.Creativity and openness must be the goal.Willingness to let go of control and let the current of experience lead you where it may.And a joi de vivre:):):):) No preconceptions of what we should or should not be.No boxing in of the spirit.Just freedom to live and to understand better each moment."Only the shallow know themselves" --Oscar Wilde--This is an interesting thought.Never considered self-knowledge a sign of obtuseness.But the quote is discussing "closing the case" on who you are.This is a shallow thing to do.To believe that you have it all figured out and once again that you are something "concrete" in which to be figured out in the first place.No--the process will not cease.We only know what we know of ourselves today and tomorrow will bring us another gift of insight.So it seems a fluid mind is the best kind of weapon for living a life of depth.